Out of the mouths of babes...

I have a stubborn daughter. Actually, that might be unfair. I have a daughter who adores rules and order, and until I understood this pivotal aspect of her nature, we butted heads - even more than we do now! It irks her terribly when she sees rules being ignored (exceptions are at times given to herself, however) and she can't help but bowl in and solve the problem or demand that justice be served. When there are no clear rules, she is a nightmare. Every unstated or unwritten regulation will be tested and tried to the point of extreme exasperation. Once any boundaries have been outlined and discussed at length however, things are usually reasonably plain sailing. Unless of course she sees a loophole in said law, and then said law is put on trial, resulting in even more extreme exasperation.

She's actually quite lovely, really!

Her somewhat anti-social behaviours have been the target of our parenting bootcamp at regular intervals since she hit an age where it became obvious that it was needed. Basically when I realised that the reason little old ladies had stopped cooing over the curly-haired cherub in the pram was because she was turning them to stone with her withering glares.

We do a lot of role play. You know: "when *** says / does *** what would a good friend say / do to solve the problem?" Basically all of the feel-good blah that you read in parenting books. We didn't have much choice though, because only the playgroup Biter (every group has one - is it your kid?) gets more social derision than the rude little monster that sticks its tongue out at anyone that glances sideways in its direction.

Anyway, I think we might be making progress. She still has to make a conscious choice to be polite. She isn't naturally predisposed towards pleasantness, and still needs to vent a long spiel of negative happenings in her day before she is relaxed enough to sleep. A bit like poor old Eeyore, actually.



But she is thinking about her actions. She has realised that other people have feelings. She has realised that her behaviour influences other people's feelings - beyond manipulating parents, of course. She realised that a LONG time ago! And she is coming out with some classic comments, usually said in a loud, indignant voice.

Like this one:
"Mum, that lady didn't have a smile, so I gave her one of mine. It was a NICE smile, and she's STILL grumpy. Must be a pretty bad old day SHE'S having."

**cue mother to die a thousand deaths**

Or:
"Mum, those kids aren't 5. I think they're actually only 3. They're not allowed on that equipment without an adult."

Or:
"Excuse me, can you get out of the way? Slides are for going DOWN, not UP."

Note, there is no screaming or tongue-sticking (AKA 'The Tongue Dance' - Rule Loophole #213) just clear, stated opinion. Not particularly welcome, but not entirely offensive at this stage either. I no longer fear she's heading toward a childhood spent as a social pariah (though to be fair, she probably wouldn't care, as long as she was justified!) and she might actually be grasping some pretty important concepts about human behaviour. If she's smart - like her father - she'll use them well in life and charm her teachers and superiors. If she's not - like her mother - she'll just have to put her bossiness to good use and BE the freaking teacher!

"Just sit with me, Mummy"

Caleb has Man Flu. To be fair, he has had a wretched night - sobbing, coughing, groaning, generally keeping us all awake as much as humanly possible - but he sure knows how to milk it.

Parenting has been hard work with our two cherubs lately. Sophie has hit four with a vengeance and to be honest, she could do with starting school. However, the Ministry of Education and I differ in our opinions on this matter (and many other matters, but lets save that for another post ;-)) so I have another year of four-ness to relish before I unleash her quirky fabulousness on Mrs Pester in Room One. The arguing is almost constant, the 'no nonsense' sticker chart has somehow evolved into a a negotiating tool that would challenge the best UN peacekeeper, and she has revealed a temper that has startled more than a few innocent passers-by. Our current sanity saver is Nigel Latta's 'Ladder of Certain Doom' but I'm sure its tenuous reign will soon end.

Caleb is two. Need I say more? He sometimes tricks me into thinking he's older (in depth discussions about poisonous berries and the classification of dinosaurs and insects will do that. It's entirely his fault) but essentially, he's contrary because he's two. I hope. "I will do it MINESELF, thank you!" is a common declaration, but due to two-ness, it often goes badly. He also adores breaking things, and will do so on purpose to get attention when he decides he warrants it. Particularly high on his destruction list are precious things belonging to the female members of the family, due most likely to them giving the most impressive display of negative attention. Of course after serving his sentence, he'll be at his most charming, wheedling his way back into our good books with his tear-stained hugs, kisses, and "I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to".

Needless to say, there has been a fair bit of barking going on here, and it ain't coming from a dog...though wouldn't that be nice **subtle dig at dog-disliking husband**. I have noble ideas about dealing with Caleb's behaviour, but very often they end up being discarded for the 'easy' option, which is generally lecturing, growling, threatening, confiscating, more lecturing (using longer words), door-locking, etc. Often the level of naughtiness escalates before I have my plan of attack sorted - what started as a sneaky poke in Sophie's ribs as she walked past, turns into a handful of hair being yanked out of her head in moments. Rascal!

So anyway, he's sick. He needed a sleep. I took him to bed, did the usual quiet sleepy time business, and he kicked up unholy Hell. Much screaming, door banging, wretched sobbing etc. I started to threaten and then realised I couldn't be bothered. I walked into his room and a pitiful wee voice said "Just sit with me, Mummy". And I did. And you know what? He was asleep in less than TWO MINUTES.

Perhaps I need to do more 'sitting' with my kids. Maybe armed with a cattle prod to give them a gentle nudge every now and then ;-)